i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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