is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
