i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
