Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
