Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
