i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
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Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
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going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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