Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
