I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
