I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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