bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
