I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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