Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
