I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
