This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
