His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
