Your dad touched me again.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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