so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
