i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
