She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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