i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
