So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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