Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
