Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize