I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
