She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
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I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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