There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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