That's intense
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
