Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
