I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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