I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
