Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
