When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
