okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
