I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
