Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
high people should be assigned attendants
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
