I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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