We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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