there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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