i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
