Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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