I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
