True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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