Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
