My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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