Sponge bath it is.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
