This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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