So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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