Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
