I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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