I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
