I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
