make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
