great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
