Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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