i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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