hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
