That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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