i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
