I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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