just tell him i said nine months
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
