I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
