last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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