it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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