he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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