I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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