I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
