But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's rum buckets o'clock
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
