I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
