On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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