I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
