Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
