Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
