I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
