I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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