Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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