It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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