Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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